Thursday, August 13, 2015

love story coincidences...

I have felt the love of God most fully when I'm at breaking points in my life.  I often don't even feel like trying to explain how much these times mean to me... because I get this notion that I won't be able to explain it or I'll say it wrong and diminish what it was to me.  I know it makes a lot of sense that to be picked up emotionally, you have to be low sometimes.  That seems logical to me -I surely don't want to make it sound like I think that I'm the only one to ever have felt such an emotional high.   I've had little moments that are like a love affair between me and my savior that I go back to over and over again for the deepest parts of my emotional being to be satisfied.  That's the only way I can explain it and I thought I would share just two little instances of this as they keep coming back to my mind in a nagging sort of way...

So you all know (if you read this meandering blog) that I was not feeling well before running this race (muncie-pictured). I felt like I entered a tunnel once I left to pick up my race packet and there was no way I was going to just give up on what I set out to do- no exits-in the tunnel to the finish or bust.  After the race though...I sort of felt bad about not being more cautious, if for no other reason than I have little kiddos depending on me being able to function day to day.  A day or two later I looked up my race time and saw that I finished in 7 hours...59 minutes and 5 seconds.  My original goal had been 8 hours, so for me, it was a calming thought that in all the chaos of the day... I finished with a whole 55 seconds to spare. :D  For some reason I didn't feel so crazy in the head for living my story and for pushing to my limits that day.  It was a simple little confirmation.  Also later, after the complications over our anniversary in French Lick and the D&C, the first thing Luke said to me when I came out of surgery was that I carried more than just the ultrasound of the baby over that finish line.  I hadn't thought of it that way...but I did take that little person's DNA the whole 70.3 miles with me.  Which is a complicated emotional thought as I was trying to let go of things in the process of racing that day.  Even with all of these nice little warm fuzzy feelings... none of them were miraculous...not as miraculous as me not passing out during the run portion at least I guess is what I'm trying to say.  but then on the way home from French Lick I was super tired and laid my head down thinking about how I was okay and that the whole miscarriage was actually really over now.  And then I said a sort of half asleep prayer that I didn't care what God wanted my story to be...as long as He knew where I was...the exact concept in my fading conscious was "God knows where I am...how could I fear or question anything?" 
I woke up to a commotion in front.  Luke and Caleb were being pretty loud about something.  They kept saying they just couldn't believe it.  Then Caleb got on the phone and called someone and was like "you are not going to believe it...are you on (whatever road we were on ...74?) headed toward Indy right now?  (Pause)...  yeah Luke and I were just talking and Luke just said, 'you know who I haven't seen in a long time _________.' and then a few minutes/seconds later we saw a car that looked just like yours.  Then when you passed, we saw it was YOU!"  How are you doing buddy?" and then Caleb proceeded to admonish and encourage this friend of his because he's really good at that kind of thing. So.... I'm still waking up and I asked Luke... "so did you like... see him in the rear view mirror subconsciously or something." And Luke was like "No" I literally out of the blue said I hadn't seen him in a long time and then he drove by our vehicle like a few minutes later."  and a very warm feeling settled over my heart and I knew...whether it was a coincidence or not that I'm known.  God knows where we are at.  Everything doesn't always look all bright and sunny 100% of the time, but I choose to trust.  I'll keep running this thing called life like I'm in it to win it...even if I end up taking 8 hours and not being on the podium...well actually not 8-let me give my self some 55 second credit here...7 hours 59 minutes and 5 seconds. ;)
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3 comments:

Marcy said...

Confirmation of our purpose and God's presence with us here on earth gives us much strength to move onward with hope. These "little Ebenezers" are what tend to stick with us in the big picture of life - marks along the way that increase our faith and give a zeal in the journey. What a blessing to experience this at such a roller coaster time of getting your body back "under control". Baby #7 maybe never was here on earth physically to care for and mold, but each child molds us in a way that teaches us much in life and most importantly about our heavenly Father & our relationship with Him. This child has accomplished much in his/her short duration of life. You are blest! :)

L, Ann and boys said...

Thanks so much for this heartfelt comment Marcy :). It's so true, this little one has taught me so much and I'm so thankful for that aspect.

teresa said...

Thankful...that He knows us and the ins and outs of our lives...that He knows where we are...and has plans for our future. God bless you and yours.