Monday, December 15, 2014

Just Perfect...


perfectionism.  So many posts and books with comments on how it can be the end of us...especially as moms (because it's a kid's full time job to make sure mom's can't be successful perfectionists-amen?).  Why add another post to the already full sea of them saying to throw perfectionism off our shoulders to the curb like a mattress riddled with bed bugs?  Because even though I "claim" I'm not a true perfectionist, I know that none of us really escape it's tentacles entirely.  The why, I'm still working on figuring out, but how I know is easier.  Why else do we browse perfectly lovely pictures on Pinterest and pin them on dreamy boards (not that I think it's totally wrong), why else do we cherish a perfectly shaped flower, an evenly criss-crossed mowed lawn, or perfectly symmetrical shells.  What is in us that knows it's supposed to be that way?  Why does it matter?  I see beauty in the everyday messy too; that's why I think I'm not a perfectionist...like, I can handle flour all over the place while making Christmas cookies because that's just part of it.  I can drip honey all over the floor off my toast and not get too huffy about it-but it's not because there is no harmful perfectionism there deep inside (I'm discovering).  In my case, it's just plain conditioning and comparison to greater had disasters.  I've seen entire jugs of syrup spilled on the floor... there's a sort of comparison thing that happens in my head that makes little things not so big of a deal (thank goodness for my nerves).  For example, if Willem scrapes his knee I think "at least it's not like that time Adrian came in with blood running all down his face from his forehead" or if dry cereal hits the floor in buckets, my brain says "well, at least it's not cereal and milk this time."  That's all well and good for coping, but at the end of the day I still see the perfectionism creeping in through the cracks.  Here is a very personal example I'm not proud of.  We currently don't have light bulbs in the light fixture above our bathroom mirror.  Why?  Welllllll....perfectionism.  I suppose. Or obsessive compulsive tendencies of picking around at every pore on my face until satisfied with the smoothness.  It's really pathetic how much time I can waste (or did waste...I don't have light bulbs anymore).  I could easily use up a good half hour on the process when really all that's needed was a quick once over after flossing my teeth.  Is it seeing the smooth skinned ads in magazines...maybe but I wouldn't blame it on that so much.  More at the heart of it is a birthright (of sorts) that wants something more perfect than the present we live in.  Photoshop and filters can only help us along so far into alter reality of carefully selected self image; we still have to look at our real selves in the mirror at the end of the day.  I believe it's because our soul was made for something more that makes us furrow our brow at what we see sometimes.  But because I can't keep that in perspective all the time, Luke will have to deal with dim lighting in our bathroom for a while. ha

So-here's one more glass raised to throwing full fledged perfectionism on the curb...like (let me think of something other than bedbugs this time...) like... a box of black mold you found in the basement that is slowly making everyone in your home sick. Oh yea, nailed it that time :D
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4 comments:

sarah.flyingkites said...

haha love the way you write....and this post was so good!

sarah.flyingkites said...

oh yea...and your new picture....SOOOO good!!

leah said...

i love this. thanks for sharing, i tend to see this at the root of too many of the day's issues and trials.

smw said...

Always like reading your thoughts and getting glimpses at your life.