Saturday, June 7, 2008

Grieving process...

Little Malakai, Caleb and Laura continue to weigh on my heart and mind every day. I've been so emotionally wrapped up in thinking about Caleb and Laura and wondering how they are doing that I hadn't identified many of my own feelings of grief. Thank you for those of you who have prayed for them and for the whole family. Today I went on a jog in the rain and I was granted a very special time of healing and realization that I have to grieve the loss of a nephew. I needed to confront a whirl wind of emotions I have had and to let little Malakai go...I hadn't let myself grieve because it almost seemed out of place...like Caleb and Laura's grief would be less if I realized my own sadness. While I was out, it started to really pour and I ducked under a tree to see if it would let up. As I waited, everything just slowed down and emotions came up and out in my heart and the rain just cried for me. Then I looked up and there were little sweet cherries all up over head that were ripe and dripping with rain. I just felt a special peace and joy just looking at them, they were so pretty and new. Then, I don't know if I can even describe it, I felt like Malakai would want me to love him, to remember him, to see him as beautiful...and to move forward in faith. I ate a few cherries and walked home. Ann

2 comments:

Kaitlin said...

That was an awesome story. I love how real God is in times like those. I'll be praying for you. Love you!

Kaitlin said...

WOW WOW WOW!!!!!!!! OK. I just viewed your Miss Macy pictures. They are amazing. I absolutely love them. NICE work Ann.